NickAu

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About NickAu

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  • Birthday 02/03/1965

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  1. Church service

    A few minutes before the church services started, the congregation was sitting in their pews and talking. Suddenly, Satan appeared at the front of the church. Everyone started screaming and running for the back entrance, trampling each other in a frantic effort to get away from evil incarnate. Soon the church was empty except for one elderly gentleman who sat calmly in his pew without moving, seemingly oblivious to the fact that God’s ultimate enemy was in his presence. So Satan walked up to the man and said, ‘Do you know who I am?’ The man replied, ‘Yep, sure do.’ Aren’t you afraid of me?’ Satan asked. ‘Nope, sure ain’t.’ said the man. Don’t you realize I can kill you with one word?’ asked Satan. Don’t doubt it for a minute, ‘ returned the old man, in an even tone. ‘Did you know that I can cause you profound, horrifying agony for all eternity?’ persisted Satan. Yep,’ was the calm reply. ‘And you’re still not afraid?’ asked Satan. ‘Nope,’ said the old man. More than a little perturbed, Satan asked, ‘ Why aren’t you afraid of me?’ The man calmly replied, ‘Been married to your sister for 48 years.’
  2. Guns

    The things I could say, but I better not.
  3. An Adult FAIRY TALE

    Once upon a time there lived a King who had the most beautiful daughter. But there was a problem. Everything the princess touched would melt. No matter what: Metal Wood Stone Anything she touched would melt. Because of this, men were afraid of her. Nobody would dare marry her. The King despaired. What could he do to help his daughter? He consulted his wizards and magicians. One wizard told the King, 'If your daughter touches one thing that does not melt in her hands, she will be cured.' The King was overjoyed and came up with a plan. The next day, he held a competition. Any man that could bring his daughter an object that would not melt would marry her and inherit the King's wealth. THREE YOUNG PRINCES TOOK UP THE CHALLENGE. The first brought a sword of the finest steel. But alas, when the Princess touched it, it melted. The prince went away sadly. The second prince brought diamonds. He thought diamonds are the hardest substance in the world and would not melt. But alas, once the Princess touched them, they melted. He too was sent away disappointed. The third prince approached. He told the Princess, 'Put your hand in my pocket and feel what is in there.' The Princess did as she was told, though she turned red. She felt some thing very hard. She held it in her hand. It did not melt!!! The King was over joyed. Everybody in the kingdom was over joyed. The Prince married the Princess and they both lived happily ever after. Question: What was in the Prince's pants? M&M's of course! They melt in your mouth, not in your hand. What on earth were you thinking??? I DO WORRY ABOUT YOU AT TIMES!
  4. LOL. The uniform rules ban shorts so they boys found away around the regulations. Source: @SimonHallNews/Twitter Full story https://au.news.yahoo.com/world/a/36099564/british-schoolboys-don-skirts-amid-shorts-ban-in-heatwave/#page1
  5. Heat Wave

  6. A Retired Person's Perspective

    I called my dog 5 miles, now I tell people I walk 5 miles every day
  7. Bee my honey

    LOL
  8. Sailors

    Rest in peace
  9. Heat Wave

    I love summer, Bring on the heat.
  10. Celibacy

    Celibacy can be a choice in life, or a condition imposed by circumstances. While attending a Marriage Weekend, Frank and his wife Ann listened to the instructor declare, “It is essential that husbands and wives know the things that are important to each other.” He then addressed the men. “Can you name and describe your wife's favorite flower?” Frank leaned over, touched Ann’s arm gently, and whispered, “Gold Medal-Self-Raising, isn't it?” And thus began Frank's life of celibacy.
  11. POTW Lights (all kinds)

    Vivid 2017: Sydney lights up with spectacular display of colour and creativity